Feelings
by sheonlyreadsbooks
Summary: Sebastian and Blaine are kind of friends with benefits... Sebastian's feelings and Kurt's visit interfere. (idk there's cursing and some mentions of alcohol so it's t!)
1. Chapter 1

Blaine had been depressed really depressed when he called Sebastian up. It was one night a few months ago. He was sobbing. Sebastian, especially after turning over a new leaf, was there for him. He took him out dancing and drinking to help him forget about Kurt. And when he couldn't stop thinking about Sam, he did the same thing. And even when Blaine ratted out the Warblers, Sebastian told him that it was no big deal and that they could move past it.

And of course, with all of the times they spent together, especially considering how lonely Blaine was, they'd hooked up a few times. And by a few times I mean at least once a week, but up to five times a week, for eight and a half weeks straight. They both agreed that there were no strings, since Sebastian didn't do relationships and Blaine was still stuck on Kurt, but they were both beginning to have feelings for one another. At least that's what Sebastian thought.

But of course, he was proved wrong. The minute Kurt was back in Ohio, Blaine was too busy for him: _"Oh Blaine, I rented that movie you wanted to see…" "No, Kurt's taking me out to coffee." "Blaine, I've got the house alone and your favorite type of wine." "No, I'm having dinner with the Kurt, Carole, and his dad." "Blaine do you want to fuck wildly in the back of my car?" "No, I just want to stare at Kurt all day long." _And so on. Okay, maybe that's a little exaggerated, but that's how it felt to Sebastian. His non-boyfriend was ditching him to hang out with his other non-boyfriend.

The situation was ridiculous and fucked up. And it's not like Sebastian could strut over to them at the Lima Bean and tell Kurt to get his dirty slut hands off of his man, because a) they were a secret b) Blaine wasn't his man and c) BLAINE'S HANDS WERE ON KURT'S. Maybe old Sebastian would have done something, but this was new Sebastian. He was above that kind of reaction, which really sucked.

Sebastian even watched the New Directions perform at Regionals. He did it because he knew how much of a big deal it was to Blaine. He had to sit in the back so nobody noticed him and he didn't say anything to Blaine afterwards, but it was something nice he wanted to do. He texted Blaine when it ended:

_First place. Congratulations, Killer. You did so well.:) –S_

_ You watched?! Thanks, Bas. –B_

_ So are we celebrating tonight? I'm home for the weekend. The house is empty. Again. –S_

_ Oh. I want to… I'm going out to dinner with everybody from the New Directions and then I have plans tonight… Sorry. –B_

_ What kind of plans? –S_

_ A sleepover. –B_

_ With? –S_

_ What's it matter? –B_

_ Doesn't. Just wondering. –S_

_ Kurt. –B_

_ Oh. –S_

And that's how it ended. That's how most of Sebastian's suggestions to hang out ended since Kurt was home. But he was going back to New York soon. And Sebastian was nearly counting down the days. He didn't know why it impacted him so much, but it did. He didn't want to admit it, but his feelings for Blaine… they were strong- scary strong.

Finally the day came that Kurt went back to New York. It was like Christmas for Sebastian. He invited Blaine over the next night, and of course, he said yes. Sebastian actually decided to be romantic. He made a big dinner for them, lit some candles, dimmed the lights, and stole some good wine from his parents' collection. He even dressed up a tiny bit.

When Blaine rang the doorbell, Sebastian ran his hand through his hair and put on a confident smirk before opening the door. Something was different about Blaine. His eyes were rimmed slightly red and his posture was slumped, but he had a fake smile on, implying that he didn't want to talk about it. He and Sebastian respected that. When they wanted to pretend they were okay- the other would respect it.

Sebastian pulled him inside, "Hey, sexy."

"Hi." Blaine said with a soft smile.

"Hungry?" Sebastian asked, leading him towards the dining room.

Blaine almost said not really, because he wasn't, but he saw the huge dinner laid out for him. He nodded gently.

"Great. It's all your favorite stuff," Sebastian said, a slight sense of pride in his voice.

"Wow. Thanks." Blaine said softly as he sat at a seat where a plate was already set up for him. Sebastian sat across from him. They ate and carried light, polite conversation. There was almost no substance to their conversation, nor were there any real emotions involved. It was as if they were just acquaintances.

When the dinner was nearing end, Sebastian changed the conversation completely. "Blaine, I have something I want to say…"

"Oh?"

"I… It's about us." Sebastian sighed. Why was he nervous? This was _Blaine_. Plus, he's Sebastian Smythe. He doesn't get nervous.

"What about us?" Blaine asked, slowly bringing his hand to his mouth to bite on his nails.

"Blaine, I have feelings for you," Sebastian nearly blurted. "Strong feelings. Like, I'm sick and tired of fucking you without being able to hold you. And that's probably the weirdest statement I've ever made, but you're the only person I'll ever make it for."

Blaine looked down at his food, "What do you mean? We cuddle."

"You know that's what I meant," Sebastian said sharply, already knowing this wasn't the reaction he wanted.

Blaine bit his lip, "Sebastian… I love Kurt."

"Why don't you just get over him? It's done with. Why can't we have this?" Sebastian nearly pleaded.

Blaine had tears in his eyes. He shook his head. "This isn't what I want."

"But it's what I want." Sebastian said, voice shaky.

Blaine slowly looked up, "Bas, I care about you, I really do, but Kurt… He's my soulmate. I'm going to be with him until I die. Maybe we're not together right now, but it's only a matter of time."

Sebastian shook his head, looking at Blaine with a biting glare. "Get out."

"Bas… Please don't…" Blaine started, but Sebastian just pointed.

Slowly, Blaine rose out of his seat and to the car. His heart hurt, but he didn't know why. Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to pick Kurt? He believed every word Sebastian said, but for some reason, he couldn't say yes to being with him. He needed to wait for Kurt.

Sebastian was asking himself the same _why _questions as he finished up the bottle of wine alone. He threw out all of the left overs and even broke a few plates in the process. What the hell had happened? That was the first time he ever put himself out there for a guy. And definitely the last. Who else was there to have if not Blaine Anderson?


	2. Chapter 2

For over two weeks, they didn't talk. Not through any means and not even for less than a minute. And then suddenly, Blaine called Sebastian two weeks and three days after their dinner. He was in tears. His hysteria was obvious through his loud sobs that Sebastian was greeted with when he answered, which he almost didn't do. The sound made worry and anxiety wash over him. Of course he was angry and upset with Blaine, but hearing him like this was always bad.

"Blaine? What's wrong? Talk to me." Sebastian said as calmly as he could.

"He… boyfriend… New York… sorry…" was all Sebastian could make out. Blaine wasn't making any sense.

"Stop. Calm down. Explain to me what's happening. I can't understand you," Sebastian said in a commanding tone.

He heard Blaine sniffling and could almost see him wiping at his tears. He was trying to calm himself enough to talk. More slowly, Blaine explained, "It's Kurt… He got a boyfriend in New York… I mean, they're really _boyfriends _now. It's official. And… I just don't know what to do."

Sebastian felt anger flare up inside of him. Did Blaine_really _just call him for problems with Kurt? Before their dinner, that would have been fine, expected actually. But now? No. That was unacceptable. Sebastian literally laid it all out on the line for Blaine, and Blaine was too concerned about Kurt. He wouldn't give Kurt up for Sebastian, but when shit hit the fan with Kurt (yet again), Sebastian was expected to pick up the pieces? Fuck no. That wasn't Sebastian's job anymore.

After a few long moments of silence and contemplation, during which Blaine started crying again, Sebastian nearly growled into the phone, "Blaine, I don't give a fuck about what Kurt did. I'm not saying you deserve it. What I'm saying is, he doesn't deserve you."

"But… I love him," Blaine said with a sniffle.

"Well that doesn't always matter, does it?" Sebastian huffed.

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked, voice smaller.

"Well look at me." He retorted angrily.

"You mean… You love me?" Blaine asked in a voice that sounded almost scared.

"Whatever, Blaine. I can't do this anymore. Don't call again." Sebastian gritted. He hung up the phone.

Did he really just do that? To himself? To Blaine? Great, now Blaine was heartbroken and confused and had nobody to turn to. Sebastian was the biggest asshole in the world. He'd been waiting by the phone for over two weeks, waiting for Blaine to finally call again, and that's what he did with the opportunity? He could have acted like a normal human being and _talked _to Blaine about it. But he couldn't. It hurt too badly to think of Blaine rejecting him again for Kurt. He couldn't take it. But then again, it hurt too badly to have no Blaine in his life. Could he take this? Probably not. But he didn't know what else to do.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Another not so long chapter. Sorry? I've been kind of busy lately, but I really want to finish this one, so I might do so pretty soon, but I'm not sure. Thank you for reading :3**

Sebastian stepped into the Lima Bean for the first time in almost weeks. He took a quick scan of the shop and noticed that Blaine and none of his annoying friends seemed to be in here. So, he took a step in. He'd been avoiding every place Blaine was a regular at. He wasn't even prepared to see Blaine. Not after finally giving up on the boy.

On the other hand, Blaine was running around to every single place he thought Sebastian might wander into. His eyes were always open, looking for Sebastian. He didn't want to seem desperate by calling and texting Sebastian non-stop (which is what he did for the first week), but if he ran into him in public, he'd seize the opportunity and try to work things out with Sebastian. But Sebastian didn't know that- part of him thought that when Blaine's obsessive texting and calling calmed down, Blaine was starting to forget about him. He was wrong.

Halfway through his coffee and magazine, Sebastian heard the seat across from him being pulled out. He instantly put on an annoyed face, because he wasn't in the mood to deal with anybody right now. It faltered slightly when he noticed it was Blaine, but he forced himself to look as if he wasn't fazed.  
"Can… I sit here?" Blaine asked, sounding hopeful.

Sebastian didn't answer. He closed his magazine, picked up his coffee, and stood up. He turned around without saying anything. He walked, at the calmest possible pace, to the door.

"Wait, Bas!" Blaine called after him.

Again, Sebastian stayed silent.

So, Blaine followed him outside. "Sebastian, please talk to me."

Sebastian stopped where he was standing, but he didn't turn around. He didn't speak either. He was forcing himself to stay strong. He shook his head slowly.

"Sebastian, why can't we just _talk_?" Blaine asked. And Sebastian could literally hear the pout and the sad eyes.

Sebastian swallowed thickly before talking, still not turning around, "Blaine, I told you, I'm not doing this anymore."

"But…" Blaine said as he bit his lip and took a step closer. "What if _this _is different than what we used to have?"

"Different how?" Sebastian asked with a raised eyebrow. He considered turning around to face Blaine, but he still wasn't ready.

"What if you matter more to me than Kurt now?" Blaine asked hesitantly.

"That's bullshit," Sebastian nearly spat, finally turning around. Blaine looked hurt and confused, so he elaborated, "You and I both know that's not true. You're just sick of being lonely and you need somebody to make you forget about him for a little while. And you know what? Maybe we'd both be able to pretend for a little while, but what about this summer, when he comes home to visit again? You're going to forget all about me and go straight to him. I'm _not _going to put up with being second, Blaine. I'm worth much more than that."

"But… Bas… that's not true," Blaine said with a frown. "I really do care about you. And I want to be with you. It's not about Kurt anymore."

"Yes it is. It always has been. It always will be. Blaine, there is no us. There never will be. Understand?"

Blaine shook his head. Sebastian could tell he was fighting back tears. Part of him wanted to hug Blaine tightly and fix everything and let there be at them. But he couldn't. He was right. He was above being put second. He had to do this for himself. After all, despite having feelings for Blaine, he still had his self respect.

Still, Sebastian couldn't leave him like this. He shifted the magazine to under the arm that was holding his coffee. He then took his free hand and cupped Blaine's face lovingly. "Blaine," he said with a sad sigh, "this is just what I have to do. I'm sorry that I'm hurting you, but it's for the best."

Blaine didn't respond. Sebastian took a slow step backwards and turned away from Blaine. He got in his car and drove away without looking back in Blaine's direction. He knew that if he did, he'd break down. He couldn't afford to do that right now.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been another few weeks with absolute no contact with Blaine. Sebastian blocked Blaine's number, so when Blaine called, it went straight to voicemail. Sebastian deleted every single one of Blaine's voicemails before listening. He also deleted his texts without reading them. It was killing him, but it was working. He began to get in the swing of life without Blaine and that prominent throb of pain he felt at first slowly turned into a dull ache. It was there, but it wasn't his main concern.

Friday evening, Sebastian had a huge lacrosse game, determining whether or not they'd be in the finals. Lacrosse wasn't exactly something he was passionate about, but winning was. He had to help lead the team to victory. He'd been so concentrated on the game that he didn't even think about Blaine at all that day. He was stoked.

The whole team was playing their best. Sebastian didn't think about anything but scoring, and that's all he seemed to do. They won. 9-1. It was fantastic. The game had a larger-than-usual crowd because of the stakes, and so there was an explosion of celebration when the last whistle blew. The teams lined up and shook each other's hands- one team looking bitter and the other victorious.

Most of the team was already heading back to the locker room. Sebastian was gulping down some water, wiping the sweat from his brow as the field and the stand began to clear out. He stood up and turned towards the school and suddenly stopped. Blaine was there- wearing a sad smile. Sebastian glowered for a moment before coming to his senses and walking away.

"Sebastian!" Blaine called, walking after him. "Bas, wait!"

"What?" he nearly growled as he whipped around, facing Blaine now.

"I… You…" He sighed softly and shook his head. "Good game."

"I know. Is that all?" he asked as he sharply tugged the strap of his gym bag further up his shoulder.

"I miss you," Blaine added, sounding more like he was asking a question than stating his feelings.

"Okay." Sebastian's jaw clenched. "Well bye."

"I love you," Blaine called softly as Sebastian turned around.

Sebastian just shook his head and made his journey back to the school. He took extra time in the showers, calming himself down, and changed into clean clothes. When he finished, the rest of the team was already out of the locker room. There was probably a party getting started soon, but he wasn't in the mood. So, he wandered down to the field. He went there to think sometimes- usually he could mentally went through some game plans or spent some extra time practicing while down there alone.

To his shock, Blaine was still there. He didn't look like he was waiting for Blaine either; he looked like he was thinking- just like Sebastian was planning on doing. He walked closer to the boy, not saying anything. Soon, they were both leaning against the fence around the field, looking at the field and the away team stands. Neither of them said anything, nor did they do anything to recognize the presence of the other.

Finally, Sebastian exhaled and said, "I miss you too."

"I know," Blaine said, nodding his head. "I really messed up."

"I know." Sebastian answered.

"Maybe… we can start off like a real couple?" Blaine asked, biting his lip, still not looking over at Sebastian.

"How so?"

"We don't have to go right back to hooking up. We don't have to say 'I love yous' or anything. We can just… go on a date."

Sebastian laughed and shook his head a little. "I really don't think we're going to work, Blaine."

"Why not? I want us to work. Don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Then why are you doubting it?"

"Because you don't really want to be with me."

Blaine finally turned to look at Sebastian, eyes gleaming- Sebastian wasn't sure if it was because he was close to tears or if his eyes were just that beautiful. Blaine's voice was soft and each word was said slowly and almost musically, "Bas, I do want to be with you. I really care about you and I know you care about me. You make me happier than anybody else. I don't want to risk losing you again."

"Even if you lose your chances with Kurt?"

"I don't want to be with him." Blaine sighed softly. "I've told you. I want to be with you. You've been there for me when he wasn't."

"You really want to try this?" Sebastian asked with an almost sour chuckle.

Blaine smiled and nodded. "Definitely."

"How's Breadstix, 6 tonight sound?" Sebastian asked, smiling back a little.  
"Perfect."


End file.
